Killer To Do Lists

I have an ideal life: Get to spend a LOT of time doing great vacations (ski mountaineering, cross country skiing, hiking, biking, horse-riding etc..), have a great marriage, live in an outstanding place in the mountains, in great health, and have a fantastic job (coach and facilitator). Yet.... there are times I really hit rock bottom, the world is black, bad and going to hell rapidly and I sink into the black hole of dispair, self hate and self pity! W hat makes this all the worse, is that I really do have this great life... so all of these black hole expeditions are all in my head!!!

It usually happens when I am tired (no suprises there..), have many external demands on my time (most of which of course I initiated) and encounter a few obstacles.

So.. why do I get so tired? Well... my theory is the TO DO list. I am the queen of todo lists... When I have a lot to do and a lot on my mind, I follow my own time management advise and make prioritised to do lists. So far so good you might think. Well, wrong. First there is the size of the TO DO list - one full page, 2 columns (that is a lot of items,,even if they are priortised!). Then, secondly, the TO DO list turns into my MUST DO BEFORE THE END OF THE DAY list and I get driven to do as many things on it as possible. So, I work away, diligently crossing off things as I get them done, forgetting meals and other self care things and by 18.00 I am shattered, flop on the sofa with the cat, and feel incredibly guilty I am not working on my to do list. So, the next day, I try to get up early and start all over again and the vicious cycle continues. I begin to feel a loss of freedom, snap at my husband and the cat and I slip further and further into that darn black hole.

The good news is that I do have moments of realisation that this is happening (see the beetroot article below). The bad news is that somehow, that does not help me pull myself out it.

So... this behaviour just does not fit with this new life style we have been creating for ourselves the last 4 years and although it has served me well in the past, it is time for it to go.

And, thanks to 2 very different conversations with a couple of great coaches, I realised... what is happening and have a plan to fix it! Here it is in the GROW coaching model.

Goal: Have the lifestyle I want, be being in a state of peace, happiness and harmony, living mostly in the moment, enjoying the success and lessons of the past, and planning generally (but not too much) for an even better future. When I am busy, I appreciate the opportunity and approach work with calmness, focus and balance. I am a role model for the people I coach.

Reality: When I am really busy with "work", I fall back to what made me successful in my past career... the ability to work really really hard, for long hours, with big, thorough to do lists. I over promise to myself and under deliver and then self worth hits the greased slide into the black hole. I am not totally sure it only confined to when I think I am busy.. it just gets worse then.. Here is a small, almost silly if it was not true, example: Hubbie was coming home from a trip - I wanted him to feel really welcomed back home, so I wanted to make him an excellent home made dinner, have the house cleaned from top to bottom, all the laundry done and put away, home made bread, an apple tart and oatmeal cookies. Well, I did not get the oatmeal cookies done and felt awful I had not done enough for him! Hmmmmmmmmm.

Options: I have lots of options to deal with this: taking on less work, measuring how much time it takes for preperation for each workshop, making shorter to do lists, getting my husband to tell me when he sees me entering into this mode, only working in my office so many hours a day, throwing away the to do list, getting more efficient at working.

Will: So, here is what I will do, what I commit to doing as concrete actions.

1. No more to do lists. I have not written one in a week.
2. Use my calender to schedule my days so I block time for each activity. Am doing this most days.
3. Block empty time "White Space" in my calender. This is harder... am struggling still.

Of course, there are a few other things going on also: Continuing to simplify our lives, getting a faster computer so I spend less time waiting for it to catch up to my fingers, getting more efficient at work as I gain more experience. But... getting rid of the to do list is THE BIG SHIFT right now. And... it feels good! I am back in control!